Archived posts from the 'Fun' Category

AdSense asks me "Are You Gay?", but why?

John emailed me this screenshot:
Are you gay?

I wondered why the heck AdSense considers a post on Google’s new URL removal tool gay in nature. Warning! These links (Google search results) are not safe at work:

0.08% gay: “fell in love
0.11% gay: “neat
0.05% gay: “terminator
0.02% gay: “competitors
0.04% gay: “user
14.7% gay: “friendly
56.4% gay: “tool

Who can help me to figure out the remaining 28.6% gayness? I mean when putting two ads asking “Are you gay” above and below the post, Ol’ AdSense should be at least 100.0% certain that this question will not offend me. Actually, I’m not offended. I’m just curious to learn more about a possible coming out.



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Priceless SEO Advice

Just stumbled upon: If you are too stupid to use a computer you might try giving SEO advice. Best business plan ever, for idots ;)

My favourite:

Q: Why are SEO Consultants too expensive for webmasters?
A: I personally used a firm that did a 250,000 site submissions for my site, it worked great.

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The Top-5 Methods to Attract Search Engine Spiders

Full sized image copyrighted © by Leech Design 2000Folks on the boards and in news groups waste man years speculating on the best bait to entrap search engine spiders.

Stop posting, listen to the ultimate advice and boost your search engine traffic to the sky within a few months. Here are the five best methods to get a Web site crawled and indexed quickly:

5 Laying out milk and cookies attracts the Googlebot sisters.
4 Creating a Google Sitemap supports the Googlebot sisters.
3 Providing RSS feeds and adding them to MyYahoo decoys Slurp.
2 Placing bold dollar signs ‘$$‘ nearby the copyright or trademark notice drives the MSN bot crazy.
1 Spreading deep inbound links all over the Internet encourages all spiders to deep and frequent crawling and fast indexing as well.

Listen, there is only one single method that counts: #1. Forget everything you’ve heard about search engine indexing. Concentrate all your efforts on publishing fresh content and acquiring related inbound links to your content pages instead.

Link out to valuable pages within the body text and ask for a backlink. Keep your outbound links up, even if you don’t get a link back. Add a page to each content page and use it to trade links on the content page’s topic. Don’t bother with home page link exchanges.

Ignore tricky ‘backdoor’ advice. There is no such thing as a backdoor to a search engine’s index. Open your front door widely for the engines by actively developing deep inbound links. Once you’re indexed and ranked fairly, fine tune your search engine spider support. Best of luck.

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Optimizing the Number of Words per Page

I’m just in the mood to reveal a search engine optimizing secret, which works fine for Google and other major search engines as well.

The optimal number of words per page gets determined as follows:

  • Resize your browser window to fit 800*600 resolution.
  • Create a page with three columns below the page title in a H1 tag. In the first column put your menu. In the third column put an AdSense ‘Wide Skyscraper’ ad (160*600).
  • Write your copy and paste it into the second column. Reload the page. If the ads match your topic, fine. If not, rewrite your text, or add more, or remove fillers.
  • You have written too much words, if the middle column exceeds the height of the right ad.
  • Link to this page and leave it alone until Googlebot has fetched it 2-4 times. Time to index is 2 days, so reload the page 2 days after the last Googlebot visit to check whether the ads still match your content (respectively the keyword phrase you’re after). If not, tweak your wording.
  • Then re-arrange the ads and move on. You’ve achieved the optimal number of words per page for your keyword phrase.

Actually, the gibberish above is a persiflage on AdSense optimized content sites.

Seriously, a loooong copy with fair link popularity attracts way more SE traffic, especially if it is supported by a few tiny pages which are naturally optimized for particular phrases, for example footnote pages pointing out details, or one-page definitions of particular terms used in the long copy. This structure is comfortable for all users, either for experts on the topic and interested newbies as well, thus search engines honor it. There is no such thing as an optimal number of words per page.

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Green Tranquilizes

Widely ignored by savvy webmasters and search engine experts, every 3-4 months the publishing Internet community celebrates a spectacular event: Google updates its Toolbar-PageRank!

Site owners around the globe hectically visit all their pages to view the magic green presented by Google’s Toolbar. If the green bar enlarged a pixel or even two, they hurry to the next webmaster board praising their genius. Otherwise they post ‘Google is broke’.

Once the Toolbar-PR update is settled, folks in fear of undefined penalties by the allmighty Google check all their outgoing links, removing everything with a PR less than 4/10. Next they add a REL=NOFOLLOW attribute to all their internal links where the link target shows a white or gray bar on the infallible toolbar. Trembling they hide in the ‘linking is evil’ corner of the world wide waste of common sense universe for 3-4 months again.

Where is the call for rationality leading those misguided lemmings back to mother earth? Hey folks, Toolbar-PR is just fun, it means next to nothing. Green tranquilizes, but white or gray is no reason to panic. The funny stuff Google shoves into your toolbar is an outdated snapshot without correlation to current rankings or even real PageRank. It is by no means an indicator how valuable a page is in reality, so please LOL (link out loud) if the page seems to provide a value for your visitors.

As a matter of fact, the above said will change nothing. Green bar fetishists don’t even listen to GoogleGuy posting “This is just plain old normal toolbar PageRank“.

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