OMFG - Google sends porn punters to my website …

In todays GWC doctor’s office, the webmaster of an innocent orphanage website asks Google’s Matt Cutts:

[My site] is showing up for searches on ‘girls in bathrooms’ because they have an article about renovating the girls bathroom! What do you think of the idea if a negative keyword meta tag to block irrelevant searches? [sic!]

Well, we don’t know what the friendly guy from Google recommends …

… but my dear readers do know that my bullshit detector, faced with such a moronic idea, shouts out in agony:

There’s no such thing as bad traffic, just weak monetizing!

Ok, Ok, Ok … every now and then each and every webmaster out there suffers from misleaded search engine ranking algos, that send shitloads of totally unrelated search traffic. For example, when you search for [how to fuck a click], you won’t expect that Google considers this geeky pamphlet the very best search result. Of course Google should’ve detected your NSFW-typo. Shit happens. Deal with it.

On the other hand, search traffic is free, so there’s no valid reason to complain. Instead of asking Google for a minus-keyword REP directive, one should think of clever ways to monetize unrelated traffic without wasting bandwidth.

You want to monetize irrelevant traffic from searches for smut in a way that nobody can associate your site with porn. That’s doable. Here’s how it works:

Make risk-free beer money from porn traffic with a non-adult site

Copy those slimy phrases from your keyword stats and paste them into Google’s search box. Once you find an adult site that seems to match the smut surfer’s needs better than your site, click on the search result, and on the landing page search for a “webmasters” link that points to their affiliate program. Sign up and save your customized affiliate link.

Next add some PHP code to your scripts. Make absolutely sure it gets executed before you output any other content, even whitespace:

<?php  Show all code

$betterMatch = getOffsiteUri();
if ($betterMatch) {
header("HTTP/1.1 307 Here's your smut", TRUE, 307);
header("Location: $betterMatch");
exit;
}
?>
Refine the simplified code above. Use a database table to store the mappings …

Now a surfer coming from a SERP like
http://google.com/search?num=100&q=nude+teens+in+bathroom&safe=off

will get redirected to
http://someteenpornsite.com/landingpage?affID=4711

You’re using a 307 redirect because it’s not cached by a user agent, so that when you later on find a porn site that converts your traffic better, you can redirect visitors to another URI.

As you probably know, search engines don’t approve duplicate content. Hence it wouldn’t be a bright idea to put up x-rated stuff (all smut is duplicate content by design) onto your site to fulfil the misleaded searcher’s needs.

Of course you can use the technique outlined above to protect searchers from landing on your contact/privacy page, too, when in fact your signup page is their desired destination.

Shiny whitehat disclaimer

If you’re afraid of the possibility that the allmighty Google might punish you for your well meant attempt to fix it’s bugs, relax.

A search engine misinterpreting your content so badly, failed miserably. Your bugfix actually improves their search quality. Search engines can’t force you to report such flaws, they just kindly ask for voluntary feedback.

If search engines dislike smart websites that find related content on the Interwebs in case the search engine delivers shitty search results, they can act themselves. Instead of penalizing webmasters that react to flaws in their algos, they’re well advised to adjust their scoring. I mean, if they stop sending smut traffic to non-porn sites, their users don’t get redirected any longer. It’s that simple.



Share/bookmark this: del.icio.usGooglema.gnoliaMixxNetscaperedditSphinnSquidooStumbleUponYahoo MyWeb
Subscribe to      Entries Entries      Comments Comments      All Comments All Comments
 

7 Comments to "OMFG - Google sends porn punters to my website ..."

  1. simple money making ideas on 11 August, 2010  #link

    There’s no point buying targeted traffic in my (very humble) opinion. It’s ineffective and any purchase rate will be tiny (less than 1%). Best bet is to optimism your site for search engines and market, market, market. Target your own client base; if your site offers mortgages, put an ad in a home buyers magazine. If it offers loans, put that information in a car buyers magazine. You see where I’m going with this.

  2. Johan on 11 August, 2010  #link

    While I think this is a typical case of ‘Why didn’t I think of that?!’,

    Genius, fixing google mistakes yourself, be it on a very specific location.

    I’m wondering about possible effects from the big G due to this ‘cloacking’ technique, but since you attacked that in your latest post… I find it hard to bring up a valid argument for it…

  3. bishop on 11 August, 2010  #link

    it’s not cloaking, you only act upon the query in a google referal. if anyone visits your site with any user agent they all get the same content and in this case the url gets switched.

  4. […] Le lien vers l’article (tout à fait SFW, je vous rassure…): Make risk-free beer money from porn traffic with a non-adult site […]

  5. Darryl on 12 August, 2010  #link

    I hadn’t given much thought to the non-useful non money traffic that comes my way but I have to say this is a freaking awesome idea. You do occasionally find yourself ranking for some pretty random stuff especially when you run a forum, some of my user generated content manages to do this for a site or two.

    Not sure I’ll be able to stick this straight into phpBB but I’m going to have a crack, a little extra monetization can never be a bad thing. Thanks for the tip!

  6. Justus on 12 August, 2010  #link

    I’m not sure if it was really necessary to hack phpBB to achieve this. There is the good possibility that you could create the same kind of redirect using your .htaccess file. Of course you would need to use regular expressions to parse the search query and then decide whether or not to redirect the user, that’s the only downside because RegEx are a constant pain you know where.

  7. […] Sie sind hier: Startseite » Lesetipps » Wie man schlechten Traffic monetarisiert Sebastian pamphletiert heute darüber, wie man schlechten Traffic noch Geld ziehen kann: OMFG – Google sends porn punters to my website […]

Leave a reply


[If you don't do the math, or the answer is wrong, you'd better have saved your comment before hitting submit. Here is why.]

Be nice and feel free to link out when a link adds value to your comment. More in my comment policy.